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Old August 22nd, 2012, 04:33 PM   #1
BlackXANA28
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Default Star Trek: Destiny

This is a project I'm writing that got me inspired from watching tnpir4001's own Star Trek movies, so I have to at least give him some credit.

If there anyone finds any problems with either Character(s), scene, or plot wise, please let me know via P.M. and I will try to correct it.

I must, however, ask that you do not post/comment until I have either the plot, first scene, or a preview on how this is going to be writen is up. I don't mind if anyone makes this into 3D for me, for as using his or her voice(s) since I do not have the required software (and missing programs) to make this myself as well as the equipment.
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Old August 22nd, 2012, 08:20 PM   #2
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Default Re: Star Trek: Destiny

What you're about to see/read is the preview to the first scene. Once after you're done looking at it, all post/comments are welcomed.

Again, this is in a way of how I write it out, which is a force of habit since I go through it everyday with my friends making Code Lyoko Stories on facebook. But this isn't Code Lyoko, This is Star Trek, so lets keep it at that.




Scene 1: Fate's beginning / Main Title

The image opens in the year 2455, to the planet of Regulus V as it fades to the surface from a couple of fields of farmland into a town near an very old castle. The villagers who live in this place are Caitians, each living peaceful lives. As the image moves and fades towards the castle, we see a Female Caitian looking out the window as she wears a dress of green velvet with gold leaf designs from top to bottom. A older male Caitian walks up to her.

Vizier: Princess Pur'cle! Please, come away from there!
Pur'cle: *sigh* Must you disturb me while I'm looking out at our townspeople from here?
Vizier: Your father, the King, as ordered you so. What would his Majesty say if he found out?
Pur'cle: He would say you'll need a new job somewhere. Just why aren't you with my father?
Vizier: I was told to remind you that your arranged marriage with Prince Col'tove is soon approaching fast.

Pur'cle starts to walk away from the window and down the corridor as the Vizier follows her.

Pur'cle: *sigh* It won't happen for another three years, Za'mos. Besides, it's too soon to be thinking about marriage right now.
Za'mos: But your highness-
Pur'cle: Za'mos.
Za'mos: Yes, your grace?
Pur'cle: Drop it.

Pur'cle enters into her personal bedroom while Za'mos stops at the door.

Pur'cle: |picks up a pad from her desk| There are still some things that I want to do before then, pacifically one in particular.
Za'mos: And what, if I may ask, would that be?

The image flashes to a white plain inside the Q continuum. Six Q's gather around as one of them pleads in front of the rest.

Older Female Q: Starfleet Academy?! Are you out of your mind?
Older Male Q: The Humans are inferior to our kind! How dare you even think about coming to us for such a thing!
Old Female Q: We cannot allow you to fore take this action. It goes against not only our law-
Q: I'm not asking to break or bend any laws, Council... I just wish to go to the Human world and join Starfleet at its Academy on Earth...
Older Female Q: And why should we let you go to this planet? These Humans are such an inferior species.
Q: Please... if I may... You all should be aware that I haven't been able to use my natural cosmic abilities since the day I was born.

The Q's look to one another and nod their heads.

Older Male Q: Hmm.... He does have a point.
Old Female Q: Indeed.
Q: Then I ask you... no... I implore you to grant me this one wish.
Older Female Q: Even if we could, the law is the law. We must not tamper with their time line.
Old Male Q: Or in any reality for that matter!
Elder Male Q: Now just a moment...... Q of Sector 420582 dash 387-Zeda-12, are you sure that this is what you want? To live as a human, and to attend to Starfleet Academy? I'm sure you realize the consequences this comes with?
Q: *sigh* Believe me, sir... I've thought long and hard about this, and I'm willing to go through with it.

The Elder Q stares at the Q standing before them. His eyes close, nods his head with a smile, and speaks with his final decision.

Elder Male Q: Very well... I hereby grant you asylum to Earth as a Starfleet Cadet, with a condition that I may be permitted to accompany you there until you are settled.

The other 4 Q's look at the Elder in shock while the Q that's pleading looks a bit surprised but concerned.

Older Male Q: Q, you can't be serious?! Need I remind you of wh-
Elder Male Q: I'm aware, Q... Which is why I'm taking the risk to go with to see that he gets there.

Q, who was still standing in front of the others, soon found himself speechless.

Q: I.... I don't know what to say... I mean, this is-
Elder Male Q: Q, it's quite alright. You don't have to say anything, just know your wish is going to be granted.
Q: |nod| Thank you, sir.

Image fades to Opening title.


Main Title/Opening Credits with Music Intro Theme: First Contact
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mijIte1jrUA or http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mhoa7...eature=related)

(_) Productions Presents

A (_) Film


STAR TREK
DESTINY


Based upon “STAR TREK”
Created by Gene Roddenberry

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Old August 23rd, 2012, 01:27 AM   #3
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Interesting start.... nothing too add, but to wait until the story moves on a little more......
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Old August 23rd, 2012, 04:47 AM   #4
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Default Re: Star Trek: Destiny

Thanks, but this is only a preview for now. I plan on getting the full scene of this up once it's done.

And again, I thank tnpir4001 for getting me inspired from watching his 3D Star Trek moives on Youtube, so I at least have to at least give him credit.
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Old August 24th, 2012, 09:22 AM   #5
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Default Re: Star Trek: Destiny

Post 2 has been edited and updated, so Scene 1 is now completed. I've also left a couple of things intentionally blank near the end for whoever would like to make this into 3D.

Also on a minor note, if anyone would like to make this into 3D animation, Please send me a Private Message so that I may approve it. Now I've got to get to work on Scene 2, Which starts at Starfleet Academy.

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Old August 24th, 2012, 02:27 PM   #6
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This struck some oddly familiar chords, so I went back and did some research, and I realized what bothers me about this concept: it's got that "higher power" trait that made most of Gene Roddenberry's original Trek ideas so hard to swallow. The two worst films--I and V--both involve commentary about higher powers, and V comes dangerously close to being a fantasy film more than anything else.

In your first two scenes, you have native inhabitants--including a princess living in a castle--who come across as very derivative, and then you cut to the Q continuum for a very un-Q-like scene. The whole thing looks to me like it's the beginnings of a fantasy story more than it is a sci-fi story.

Remember that Star Trek has always treated any fantasy-like elements with extreme care. "Catspaw" from The Original Series is one example, "QPid" is another. They always portrayed the Q as being above the level of petty corporeal trivialities (tricksters, yes, but still sophisticated), while your portrayal reminds me of the sort of disagreement children might have. And as soon as you talk about wishes being granted, it sounds like a bunch of cheesy Greek gods. One scene and I already can't take them seriously; it's not true to what we've seen of the Q.

As for the Regulans, I understand the concept of showing local inhabitants going about their business, but there's nothing to tell the audience why we should care about them. We've never seen or heard of them before, and this scene presents them like common inhabitants of your garden-variety fairy tale world.

In short, we don't have any reason why we should care about these new and rather derivative elements at all. "Insurrection" started off by presenting a local culture as well, but only as background elements for the title credits, and as soon as that was out of the way the story began.

The Q angle is at least a tad more attention-getting because it brings up the Academy, which is a familiar element, but it takes too long to get there. If this were the teaser for a TV episode or the first act of a film, you'd have lost your audience already.

If you're going to start out on a remote planet, connect it with Federation affairs somehow. If you're going to bring the Q into it, they need to be much better-written than what we see here--the dialogue between them is cheesy at best. A child? Since when does the Continuum have kids? Since when do Q exist whose powers don't work?
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Old August 24th, 2012, 02:35 PM   #7
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I'm no stranger to bringing in nontraditional elements into one's storyline--I took enough heat for doing that when I was making Specter--but I made sure that they could all be justified and that by the time they were introduced, we already had at least a decent idea how they fit into things.
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Old August 24th, 2012, 04:05 PM   #8
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I guess what I'm about to do are a couple of spoilers here, or at least in character detail...

This intro is just one scene altogether (think a bit of a voice over from one scene going into the next with a fist slamming down on a desk or an arm rest). Yes it does start off somewhat under the term "Fantasy", but it'll get to be Sci-Fi in the next scene at Starfleet Academy.

Pur'cle is Half Human (mother) and Half Caitian (father) of somewhat royal blood. Her mother was an ambassador from Earth and represented Regulus V after she soon got married for a good 8 to 15 years until she was murdered a few days after Pur'cle's 7th birthday.

This Q in particular doesn't have the ability to use his powers right now, but he will later on after a type of key trigger, I'm just not gonna tell when. So for now, he's just a human.

The Vizier, Za'mos, is a Caitian from Regulus V, but can not be trusted. He's actually 1 of 2 villians and another Q that was bannished from the Q continuum for trying to cease control over all of time and space.


In a few later scenes, there will be a kobayashi maru test, and a rescue mission much further in, but those won't happen for a while, so keep those in mind.

And I don't blame you, tnpir4001. I've got Sci-Fi and Fantasy stuck in my head from making all those Code Lyoko stories on Facebook with my friends. So for now, I just want to write something different and try to keep it as much as Sci-fi as I possibly can.

So with all due respect, please try to help me keep this straight as much as possible. Thank you.
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Old August 25th, 2012, 06:00 PM   #9
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Default Re: Star Trek: Destiny

Preview for Scene 2.
This still in progress, and will be completed later on.
No title for this scene as of yet. Minor editing to name only.

Comments and opinions are as always welcomed.


Scene 2:

2 weeks later... Both Pur'cle and the Vizier, Za'mos, were sitting in the office of Admiral James Riker at Starfleet Academy on Earth. Pur'cle waits anxiously for an answer from the Admiral as he looks over the documents on a pad.

James: Well your highness, given the circumstance, once you're accepted, you won't be called as princess in this academy. You'll be placed as a cadet like all the others.
Pur'cle: I understand, Admiral.
James: Good. Now I must ask one very personal question... and I don't need to read your mind, you can just tell me... Why do you want to join starfleet?

Pur'cle eyes begin to lower in sadness, but brings them back up to the Admiral.

Pur'cle: Because of my mother...
James: Your mother?
Pur'cle: |nod| yes... Her name was Krystal Nefera Lionhart. She was an ambassador for Starfleet some years ago.
James: Ah yes... *light chuckle* I remember her. She was a good friend of mine until she went to Regulus V. You know, I hardly recognized you when you walked into my office. The last time I saw you was when-
Pur'cle: When I was 7 at my mother's funeral, sir. You were a Captain back then.
James: Indeed I was. *sigh* It was such a pity to lose someone like her. You have your mother's eyes though, BUT enough about that, we'll talk about it some other time. You're registration is now hereby finalized. Welcome to Starfleet Academy, Cadet Lionhart.
Pur'cle: Thank you, Admiral.

The Admiral turns in his chair and grabs a PADD off a nearby shelf. He soon gives it to Pur'cle.

James: Now then, here's your class schedule, You'll be starting first thing in the morning at O'Nine hundred. I'll have someone from security to escort-

A intercom from the admiral's combadge suddenly goes off.

Young Male's voice: [Excuse me, Admiral... Cadet Q is here to see you at your request.]
James: |taps combadge|
Young Male's voice: [Right away, Admiral.]

The doors automatically slide open as Q enters the room and soon close behind him. He stands at attention and salutes Admiral Riker.

Q: Cadet Q reporting as ordered, sir!
James: At ease, Cadet. You're a bit early then I expected, but on time nonetheless.

Q notices Pur'cle and Za'mos as they give off rude looks at Q.

James: I suppose introductions are in order. Cadet Q, this is Cadet Pur-
Za'mos: Princess Pur'cle Lionhart, daughter of King Gra'zick III...

The image shows Pur'cle raising the PADD over Za'mos's head.

Za'mos: Ruler of Bodaria on Regulus V, and betrothed to Prince Col-

Pur'cle hits Za'mos with the PADD.

Za'mos: DOPH!!
Pur'cle: Shut up, Za'mos! You talk too much. This is exact the reason why I didn't want you to come along to Earth. (to Q, pissed) And I know who you are, you, you... you Quo'tav-M'lek!!

Pur'cle stands up from her chair and storm out of the Admiral's office. Za'mos gets up and follows while taking one glance at Q with a growl. Q looks from Pur'cle walking out to the Admiral in shock.

Q: Admiral... did she just say what I think she said?
James: I believe so, yes.
Q: But...... I... I feel like I've been insulted now.

A intercom from the admiral's combadge suddenly goes off again.

Young Male's voice: [Call to Admiral Riker? Priority one message from Betazed, Sir. It's urgent.]
James: |taps combadge| Understood, Lieutenant. I'll take it in here.

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Old August 26th, 2012, 03:28 PM   #10
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Default Re: Star Trek: Destiny

Going through some of my notes while I write this out, and I stumbled upon something that was unfinished.
In one of the scenes, I have Q and Pur'cle fighting in the Academy holodeck in hand-to-hand combat and get caught by Admiral James Riker. So, I'm in need of some help with a punishment/detention. Any suggestions? I don't care if they're together or separate.
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Old September 1st, 2012, 03:41 PM   #11
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Post 9 has been updated, but not yet completed. Working on title for scene in progress.
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Old September 1st, 2012, 09:22 PM   #12
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I've been trying to follow this, but I'm still seeing twin problems here. You're still steeping too much into fantasy (Battlestar Galactica 2004 is an example of what happens when you try to mix the two), and you're also cramming in way too much backstory where it's not needed (Lost and Fringe--both JJ Abrams offerings--took no time flat after they premiered to devolve into hopelessly convoluted and tangled messes that are impossible to follow).

Starting off in anything close to "fantasy" is a big mistake--I've shown this to a number of peers and nobody even tries to take it seriously after the first few sentences, because it doesn't read like something that wants to be taken seriously. The consensus seems to be that the portrayal of the Q here is very unrealistic, the concept of Q children is bad enough (since it was explicitly established in Voyager that it had never been done before), but to then put forth the idea that this one's powers don't work--blatantly contradicting "Q2" from Voyager--it's like you're just throwing a bunch of random elements together and expecting them to work, with little regard for continuity.

I realize it's your story and you're going to write it the way you see fit, but this doesn't feel like a Star Trek outing at all--it feels more like you're trying to shoehorn a fantasy story into the Roddenberry universe, and it's coming across as a poor fit.

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Old September 1st, 2012, 10:18 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tnpir4001 View Post
I've been trying to follow this, but I'm still seeing twin problems here. You're still steeping too much into fantasy (Battlestar Galactica 2004 is an example of what happens when you try to mix the two), and you're also cramming in way too much backstory where it's not needed (Lost and Fringe--both JJ Abrams offerings--took no time flat after they premiered to devolve into hopelessly convoluted and tangled messes that are impossible to follow).

Starting off in anything close to "fantasy" is a big mistake--I've shown this to a number of peers and nobody even tries to take it seriously after the first few sentences, because it doesn't read like something that wants to be taken seriously. The consensus seems to be that the portrayal of the Q here is very unrealistic, the concept of Q children is bad enough (since it was explicitly established in Voyager that it had never been done before), but to then put forth the idea that this one's powers don't work--blatantly contradicting "Q2" from Voyager--it's like you're just throwing a bunch of random elements together and expecting them to work.

I realize it's your story and you're going to write it the way you see fit, but this doesn't feel like a Star Trek outing at all--it feels more like you're trying to shoehorn a fantasy story into the Roddenberry universe, and it's coming across as a poor fit.
Believe me when I say that I'm starting to get some second thoughts on this and redo everything from scratch starting with Scene 1/intro, I still want to keep the whole Q issue going to Starfleet Academy, as well as some other things in my notes, but given my circumstances at present, I think I may have to rewrite everything.


On a minor note, and not to be off topic, but need some sounding opinion... A ship that I'm modeling out of lego (as a special dreadnought prototype) in currently being worked on for this. At first I was going to name it the PEGASUS, but then, when I heard about Neil Armstrong's passing, I began to have some painful second thoughts in my mind. Thinking that I should dedicate that ship in his name, as a memory to him.

So as I waver, I'm at a loss... PEGASUS or ARMSTRONG
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Old September 2nd, 2012, 10:26 AM   #14
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After much consideration and advice given from certain users, I've decided to restart this project due to errors and complains. The first 2 scenes will be redone, but will not be reposted below.

As for naming the ship that's being built out of lego, I've also taken much thought on it's name, and therefore, going to name it after the fallen astronaut that we've lost a few weeks ago in his honor.
U.S.S. ARMSTRONG
NCC-99414

I'll have a image up of it once I can get the prototype finished. It may take a while.
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Old September 2nd, 2012, 02:06 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BlackXANA28 View Post
After much consideration and advice given from certain users, I've decided to restart this project due to errors and complains. The first 2 scenes will be redone, but will not be reposted below.

As for naming the ship that's being built out of lego, I've also taken much thought on it's name, and therefore, going to name it after the fallen astronaut that we've lost a few weeks ago in his honor.
U.S.S. ARMSTRONG
NCC-99414

I'll have a image up of it once I can get the prototype finished. It may take a while.
Naming the ship after Armstrong is a great tribute to a great man and role model.

I meant to post earlier but was side tracked on to other things site wise.

If your writing the story, do it for yourself, writing your story at this point step by step will only frustrate you into quitting.

I see it happen on a few projects that would have made great fan films and original.

I would suggest you write the outline of your story perhaps a 10 page treatment and then post that so people can get an overview of the story.
leave the finish vague if you want.

your going to get people who like what you do and those who do not like it.

so make it your way and what you take from Star Trek.
listen to advise and suggestions but stay true to your own vision as tnpir4001 has with his.

I worked on a few fan films that all died and never got a single frame of film done due to seeking creative input from other forums and members only to have conflicting suggestions and your idea get watered down, and it all meant as a supportive effort but I seen the original story writer wondering what happened to his story.
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Old September 2nd, 2012, 02:36 PM   #16
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LOL, Thanks, Taranis, but after looking it over and rewatching some various Star Trek episodes for reference, I can see what I'm doing wrong now. So I'm going to start over fresh, but I'll be keeping the characters that are already in play, names included.

You're suggestion for an outline is something I'm not very good at, but I'll try to make one.

spoiler: The ending is going to be either the Cadets passing the Kobayashi Maru test (after failing the first time) WITHOUT using Kirk's old program (and you know who I mean of course), or marriage between Q and Pur'cle (I'm not sure how I want that yet, to much going on in my head right now).

I have to sort out my notes first before I do anything now. :P

On a minor note to everyone, I'm not so good at multi-tasking, so it might be awhile as things get sorted over here.

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Old September 2nd, 2012, 09:28 PM   #17
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This is a mental image of what I have in mind thus far at Starfleet Academy before I restart this project

For uniforms - All Good Things (future) from Star Trek TNG Season 7: Episodes 27+28
Combadge: What Tnpir4001 is using right now in his Redemption that have the ranks on them
Pips: On combadge only

A group of about 9 Cadets of various species with 1 Female Caitian from Regulus V, kidnapped and given the the choice to either be married to her captor or be a prisoner of war.

A previous USS ENTERPRISE decommissioned in drydock that is now a museum near the Earth space station in orbit while the current one is flying about near the neutral zone.

A minor half scene of one of William Shakespeare's plays as a reenactment in the Academy's Holodeck (I'll have that up soon for example).



This post will be edited with updates later on as I still sort out my notes.
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Old September 3rd, 2012, 07:12 AM   #18
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Originally Posted by BlackXANA28 View Post
LOL, Thanks, Taranis, but after looking it over and rewatching some various Star Trek episodes for reference, I can see what I'm doing wrong now. So I'm going to start over fresh, but I'll be keeping the characters that are already in play, names included.

You're suggestion for an outline is something I'm not very good at, but I'll try to make one.

spoiler: The ending is going to be either the Cadets passing the Kobayashi Maru test (after failing the first time) WITHOUT using Kirk's old program (and you know who I mean of course), or marriage between Q and Pur'cle (I'm not sure how I want that yet, to much going on in my head right now).

I have to sort out my notes first before I do anything now. :P

On a minor note to everyone, I'm not so good at multi-tasking, so it might be awhile as things get sorted over here.
we all work on the long projects here, so there is no hurry,,

It will I think be easier for you if you have the plot written out and you will see some of the areas you need to fix (if required).

tnpir4001 is the only person I know that finishes a project, so listening to him makes a lot of sense....

also if I can make another suggestion , as this is your first project, I would say keep it simple as possible and try not get caught under the weight of it.
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Old September 5th, 2012, 05:19 AM   #19
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Here is half or part of Scene 1 "Redone". I haven't gotten down to the title part yet, I'm very terrible with that.


Scene 1: Main Title / Prologue - Sabotage

The image opens in the year 2455 in space, as a Runabout shuttle flies through the drydocks near Jupiter as it approaches a Nebula class starship.

Man 1: *ZZKT* [This is shuttlecraft Goliath, calling USS Malestorm. Requesting landing clearance for crew drop off at heading 215 point 9 Mark 371.] *ZZKT*
Man 2: *ZZKT* [Shuttlecraft Goliath, we have confirmed your heading and you may proceed to landing bay 2 at low impulse.] *ZZKT*
Man 1: *ZZKT* [Affirmative Malestorm, over and out.] *ZZKT*

The image soon fades into the cockpit of the shuttle as the inside looks nothing like a standard Runabout. A tall, black cloaked figure with it's hood covering most of its head sits at the helm while piloting the shuttle.

Male's voice: (Creepy accent) Computer... Is the Malestorm's shields active?
Computer: [Negative. Shields to starship Malestorm are offline.]
Male's voice: (Creepy accent) Good...... Set controls to autopilot on the given course, and prepare to disengage the holoemiters to transport the bomb on my mark.
Computer: [Acknowledge.]

The figure stands up from his seat and walks over to a unusual looking bomb on the transporter pad. He sets the timer to go off in 45 seconds.

Male's voice: (Creepy accent) Computer... are we in transporter range to the Malestorm?
Computer: [Affirmative.]
Male's voice: (Creepy accent) Purrrr-fect..... Computer.... Transporter the bomb into the Malestorm's engineering... and Mark!

The image shows the shuttlecraft changing from a Federation Runabout to a Caitian Stalker Stealth Fighter. It soon flies past the Malestorm and out from view as it goes to warp. The Malestorm, however, begins to explode from the inside until it is completely destroyed along with the drydock and other docked ships.

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Old October 10th, 2012, 09:16 PM   #20
BlackXANA28
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Sorry I haven't been working on this story/project lately. I've been under the weather over the past month since I last posted. It's going to take a while to gather up my thoughts.

Anyways, post 19, Scene 1 "Redone" is now completed.
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Old October 12th, 2012, 07:55 AM   #21
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Scene 2, Redone, and completed.


Scene 2: Dream Report

Nighttime at Starfleet Academy on Earth, a young, male human cadet suddenly wakes from his sleep with a minor yell. He breaths hard and deep, as sweat covers his skin. He walks out of his bed over to a sink to turn on the water, splashing a few handfuls onto his face and looks into the mirror.

Young Male Human Cadet: *huff... huff...* The same thing is happening again...... Why do I see these things?

He soon turns off the water, walks away from the sink and back over to his bed.

Young Male Human Cadet: Computer, Time?
Computer: [The time is 03:49 hours.]
Young Male Human Cadet: *sigh* wonderful...... Fifth night in a row and I'm still not used to this.

The image fades to the Academy campus in the courtyard with the sun showing high. Cadets are walking about the grounds, going from one building to another.

Young Male Human Cadet: (Cadet's log, September 18, 2455. It's been two weeks since I came to be at the Academy on Earth. Though I don't see why the Q continuum see this planet as primitive, I have seen the natural beauty of what it has to offer. Upon my arrival, I've only managed to make at least 2 friends here at the Academy, mostly because one of them finds me to be rather.... er..... a fascinating subject. But what they don't realize, is that my powers have been taken. On a personal note, I've been having the same dream for almost a week now. I'm hoping Admiral James Riker or at least somebody might give me some sort of insight on what it means.)

The image fades to the Admiral's office where Q is talking to Admiral Riker.

James: And you're sure it's been the same thing?
Q: Yes sir... each with a different location... all ending the same way.
James: Hmm.... I wonder...
Q: Sir?
James: Sorry, it's just what you described in your dreams is... most startling.

The Admiral gets up from his chair at his desk and walks over to a nearby fish tank.

Q: How so?
James: We've been getting reports of some sort of sabotage within our own Sol System. We've been losing a lot of good starfleet officers too.
Q: If I may ask, Admiral, What kind of reports of sabotage?

The Admiral just looks at his fish, swimming about in their tank.

James: The kind that could put Starfleet out of commission, or start a another war against the wrong kind of species out there.
Q: A traitor within Starfleet maybe?

The Admiral looks away from his fish tank over to Q.

James: Perhaps, but I don't want to even think or go that far just yet. Who ever is doing this, for what ever reason, must be stopped. Now then, you still have that lecture with Commander Aster to get to, Hmm?
Q: Yes, sir. And I have a pilot lesson using a shuttle simulation later on.
James: Well then, best be off. You don't want to keep your instructors waiting, now do you?
Q: *chuckle* No, Sir.

Last edited by BlackXANA28; November 20th, 2012 at 08:19 PM..
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Old November 20th, 2012, 08:23 PM   #22
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I know I haven't been around lately, so heres a piece to the next scene.
Might need to be edited somewhere later on.


Scene 3A: Love Encounter

Q gets up from the chair and starts to walk out of the Admiral's office, but as the doors open, he suddenly bumps into a Female Caitian without looking. Some padds drop to the floor as they both fall over. Q was on his bum and shook his head a little before he saw the Female Caitian do the same. Like Q, he saw that she was in a Red starfleet cadet uniform, with the pip rank on the combadge. Q looked at her with a hard stare as his cheeks turned a blush red.

Q: I-I-I-I'm so sorry. I s-s-s-should of w-w-watched were I was g-g-going.
Female Caitian: Ugh... It's fine... Great, now look at this mess.
Q: Beg pardon?
Female Caitian: augh... Look, If you haven't noticed, I'm here to drop off some documents for the Admiral, Not bump into some stupid gawking cadet who's a real ingrate. Now Move it!

Q moves aside after the Female Caitian has finished picking up the last of the padds she was carrying. She soon gets up and walks over to the Admiral's desk, handing over a small padd.

Female Caitian: Here are the reports from the Security, Communications trainning, and Medical wards, sir.
James: (Takes padd) Thank you, Cadet. You may leave.
Female Caitian: Aye, Sir.

The Female Caitian soon leaves the room, but not before she looks at Q and snarls at him. Just after she leaves, Q just stares in a daze with his eyes fixed on the doors. The Admiral walks around from his desk to just behind Q, placing a hand on a shoulder with a slight chuckle.

James: Come on, Cadet, You don't want to keep Commander-
Q: -Sir, if I may ask, Who was that just now?
James: Hmm? Oh, That was Cadet Pur'cle Lionhart. She just transfered from Regulus V.
Q: Pur'cle.... she's... beautiful.

Q looked in the direction where Pur'cle left the room. His eyes soon became fixed and half opened as his lips curled into a smile.

Last edited by BlackXANA28; November 23rd, 2012 at 11:35 AM..
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Old November 23rd, 2012, 09:56 AM   #23
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I hope everyone is having a good Thanksgiving weekend out there and a Happy Black Friday as well.
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Old November 29th, 2012, 07:58 PM   #24
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No title to this piece of the scene yet, but if there's something that I need to edit out or currect, please let me know.

I was tempted to use tnpir4001's Drakus on a name mention bases only, but then I thought "Nah! I'd rather ask him first to get the ok than to just do it without his permission on a Copyright level."


3B:

Meanwhile... somewhere in another part of the Galexy away from the Earth's Sol System, 3 individuals gather within a dark room with very little light. Each were a different species. One was in Klingon Armor, Another was cloaked in black robes, and the last one was in a Cardassian military uniform.

Male Cardassian: Our operative has just destroyed another Federation Shipyard.
Female Klingon: How Fortunate for us. Once all Federation outposts and shipyards are in rubble, Earth will be easy to conquer with an iron fist.
Cloaked figure: (Borg accent) Illogical! Our goal is the extermination of starfleet itself. Conquering Earth is only but a last resort.
Male Cardassian: Perhaps, even if our goals are one in the same, I would rather see their existence tuned into extinction.
Cloaked figure: (Borg accent) We could let the Borg deal with them.
Female Klingon: NO! I want them all to die slowly... one by one... and savor every moment of it.
Male Cardassian: Now, now... I'm sure we can all find a solution that can benefit us. One that is reasonable, of course.

A shadowy figure walks in from the background on one side of the room. It reveals as a tall, Black, Male Caitian.

Male Caitian: Just make sure you remember our bargain. You know how much I detest backstabbers.
Female Klingon: Za'mos?! Why aren't you in the doing your job upon our agreement?
Cloaked figure: (Borg accent) Restrain yourself. He is but an illusion being transmitted from his shuttlecraft.
Za'mos: I thought I'd keep the safety protocol on both ends on should you lose your temper, Klingon.
Female Klingon: Watch your tongue, feline. Or You'll be losing all nine lives within an instant.
Male Cardassian: That's enough. Za'mos, your report.
Za'mos: All is going as planned upon our agreement. I'm just now about to head to the next target.
Cloaked figure: (Borg Accent) Excellent. Continue as planned, Za'mos, but start to tread with caution. Should the Federation locate you before you can destroy them-
Za'mos: -They shall not find me! I am all too smart and clever for those Federation fools. Mark my words, I will succeed.

An image fades into view, showing a Caitian's shuttle from the intro leaving a Drydock yard full of docked Federation ships near at the edge of the Asteroid Belt. All ships soon explode, and are now destroyed with the drydocks. Among the ships that lay now as debris, a name remained intact from a destroyed saucer. It registered as U.S.S. Enterprise, NCC-1701-H.

Last edited by BlackXANA28; December 1st, 2012 at 08:43 AM.. Reason: misspelling
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Old November 30th, 2012, 08:40 AM   #25
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^ I thought I made it clear before, I don't want you using anything of mine, you need to come up with your own ideas for this.
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Old November 30th, 2012, 09:04 AM   #26
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tnpir4001 View Post
^ I thought I made it clear before, I don't want you using anything of mine, you need to come up with your own ideas for this.
^ Relax. I said I was tempted at that point to use it as a name mention, but as you can see I didn't. And on top of that, I haven't even asked you if I could yet. So lets not go losing our tempers on a misunderstanding, please.

Besides, that Cloaked figure isn't Drakus.
Borg Accent, Yes.
Drakus, No.

Last edited by BlackXANA28; November 30th, 2012 at 10:27 AM..
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Old December 8th, 2012, 11:55 AM   #27
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A new piece to the next scene, No title as of yet, but you'll probably get the idea of what's going on at this point.


Scene 4A:

A fight goes on in the middle of Academy grounds. Various cadets circle to watch the brawl and cry out as a Male Klingon, a Male Trill, and a Female Human are going up against Q.

Female Human Cadet: You and your species had this coming for a long time, Cue-ball!
Q: Wait! Can't we just talk this over like cadets?
Male Klingon Cadet: Your time for talk IS over, for you have no honor to face us, coward!
Q: But I don't want to fight you!
Male Trill Cadet: You should have thought of that first by not joining Starfleet!

Q dodges a swing from the Klingon's Bat'leth, two from a Katana from the Female Human, and a thrust from a KaBar combat knife by the Trill.

Q: Stop! I only came to Earth so that I could join Starfleet properly, not to make ene-WHOA!

Q dodged another swing from the Klingon's Bat'leth. He sweats, breaths hard and becomes flustered.

Male Klingon Cadet: We're not interested on why!
Male Trill Cadet: We're only interested in you leaving!
Female Human Cadet: Permanently!
Q: By forcing me to leave in this 3-on-1 fight?! That hardly seems fair. Don't I get a say in all of-YAUGH!

Q dodges another swing from the Katana by ducking down.

Q: I guess not...

Just before the next attack was brought out, a discharge of phaser fire was shot into the air, gaining the attention of the cadets, including the ones in combat. As the crowd silents, they see Admiral Riker, who was holding the phaser in his hand, an elderly men on a walking stick, and 4 Security guards standing behind.

James: Now hear this... I want everyone but you 4 back to their dorms immediately or so help me I'll have you all expelled from this Academy by tonight. Now move!

Every Cadet with in the crowd disperse towards their dorms. Q took notice of a Female Caitian that he bumped into from the other day, heading away with them. He soon looked towards the other 3 cadets, Admiral Riker, and the elderly man.

James: You 4... in my office...

Q was soon swept with a sense of guilt, eyes filled with fear, and face full of doubt.
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Old December 9th, 2012, 08:37 AM   #28
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No offense, but I really wouldn't mind some feedback from those that are reading this now that I've got this far when I first started.

Scene 1: Post 19
S2: 21
S3: 22 +24
S4: 27, ?
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Old May 16th, 2013, 07:46 PM   #29
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Hey guys. I know I haven't been around posting or working on my story for the last few months lately. It's just there's been a few issues going about with my family here and there, and one of them took a turn for the worse.
A friend of the family, who is a brilliant entertainer for parties, is currently in a ICU ward. I'm not sure how long he'll live, but we might be losing him.
Deepest hopes and wishes that he makes it and pulls through.
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